I really just don’t have the emotional bandwidth for this.
I don’t think I’ll ever be able to engage in another relationship and I’m gradually becoming totally okay with that.
I’m reading The Color Purple right now. I was between books and a coworker said she just read it and loved it so I decided to finally cross it off my list. But now that I’m getting into the story, I feel kinda gross about that coworker raving about it. She’s white and the book is sooo clearly not written for her. She’s pretty conscious so she probably knows that, but it still low key feels like a violation.
I’m back in that phase where I feel compelled to apologize to you for every single shitty thing I may or may not have done to you.
I know I shouldn’t judge people who talk extensively about college in public places
but I do. I judge them so hard.
people have been saying such nice things to me lately! no one does at work, just my outside life, but that’s okay!
PSA FOR POP CULTURE PAGANS
DO NOT TURN PARAMORE SONGS INTO CURSES
AS A CHRISTIAN BAND THEY WOULD NOT APPRECIATE THIS AT ALL, NO MATTER THE REASON OR PURPOSE
IF YOU’RE GOING TO MAKE SPELLS BASED OFF OF PARAMORE SONGS MAKE THEM POSITIVE, HAPPY SPELLS THAT DO GOOD.
what is going on here
lmao pagan? Really? You people are the absolute worst of the worst.
Y’all need to chill alllll the way out.
…..Is this place even real anymore? This is Tumblr in a nutshell.
Ok I won’t?
All I want is a relationship that’s [list of totally normal relationship things.]
my laptop is breaking
and it’s really old so I’m not surprised but now I’m trying to decide if I want to try to fix it myself, take it somewhere to be fixed, or just buy a new one since realistically this laptop will probably kick the bucket in a year or so
So many mixed emotions today. Everyone keeps asking me how my trip was and on one hand it was awesome and I really love my friends and omg why can’t I spend every waking moment with qpoc but at the same time it was super sad and I’m super sad and I don’t exactly want to be alive anymore?
I feel like such a fuck up today.
I’ve been hanging out with a coworker outside of work a little bit, which is nice. She’s cute and smart and sweet. She’s also really queer, and it’s weird to see how not queer I am in comparison. I don’t mean in terms of who we’re attracted to in an intimate sense, that’s similar I think. But in terms of the communities we create, who we spend our time with, what we’re interested in. I guess it’s curious because I remember a time when I wanted to be like her and I wanted to be super involved in lots of gay stuff and have lots of gay friends. I made efforts to do that, and they were admittedly half-assed, but it was maybe the best I could do with what my personality and surroundings had to offer. Now, though, I don’t care. Some of this is probably due to the fact that I live in the Bay Area and work in San Francisco in a really really gay office, which is a privilege most queer people don’t have. Like I typically don’t long for the freedom to access “gay culture”, or whatever. But still, when my coworker talks about the stuff she’s involved in and the people she’s close to, I’m always a bit bewildered by the fact that she’s been able to sustain that desire to have a deeply queer lifestyle. I don’t think I’m envious, it’s not something I want and not something I can imagine for myself… but I’m also pretty wrapped up in my own life and I haven’t had strong feelings about anything/anyone in a very long time and normally don’t want anything at all. I probably shouldn’t even be thinking about queerness in this fashion, like the idea that I’m “not queer” because I’m often not interested in doing queer stuff isn’t particularly useful. Anyway this is stressful but I’m trying to be less private.